Fear of Getting Hurt if I forgive

As I start my journey of forgiveness, the emotion of fear comes to mind.

What do I fear?

I fear the release of letting go of the non-forgiveness.
I fear getting hurt again.
In my mind if I don't truly forgive them, I'm protecting myself from being hurt again, I have built a large wall of protection around myself.

Having to carry the walls around I don't have a happy life. I'm always judging, condemning, and I get angry easily. I have a heaviness inside of me and I don't like it, I want to get rid of it.

Where do I start?

I've tried to forgive before but I don't totally forgive and it lays dormant until something sets it off again.

I keep going through a cycle over and over again.

There is a Free ebook on forgiveness available by the author of this spirituality blog

Note from Katherine T Owen

Choose whether or not to forgive. Get clear on your intention.

The very fact you are thinking about forgiving shows that there is an internal conflict.
You both want to forgive and don't want to forgive.

The first thing you can do is release on both sides of this conflict to put yourself back at choice.
You can use the release to do this as explained in the free e-book.

Forgive yourself for not forgiving.
It's OK not to forgive.
It's OK to be worried about getting hurt again.
It's OK to think that forgiveness means letting someone treat you the same way again.
It's OK to think forgiveness means forgetting what someone did which will make you more vulnerable.

And... forgive yourself for forgiving.
It's OK to forgive.
It's OK to let go of feeling hurt.
It's OK to let go of feeling angry.
It's OK to stop thinking about what this person did.

Fear of getting hurt again is normal

If you have had experience of forgiving and getting hurt again, it's natural that you feel of getting hurt and fear of forgiving.

Ask yourself.
What is it that I need to forgive someone for?
There is probably something that you have lost. Something that you feel this person has taken from you.
It could be that they did you physical harm.
It could be that you lost a self image as a result of their action.
It could be that you formed an unhelpful belief about yourself.
Again accept yourself as you are:
I forgive myself for whatever I have lost.
I forgive myself for the way I've been treated.

Then you can use affirmations to allow yourself to attract a new experience.
Once you attract a more positive experience from yourself, or from someone else, you will feel less vulnerable, and forgiveness will come more easily.

This is very quick forgiveness advice. There is more in the free ebook and there will be more in my upcoming book called How To Forgive.

The fact you're writing on this page shows that you already have your feet well set on the journey of forgiveness. As long as you're inviting God to help you, you cannot fail.
Forgiveness will happen.

I wish you inner peace.
And I wish you peace in your life.
Katherine

tags: fear of getting hurt, frightened, forgiving, forgiveness, what if, journey of forgiveness, starting

I didn't realise I had replied before, so here is my previous answer!

When You Say: I Can't Forgive

Stop trying to forgive

You speak about ‘trying’ to forgive. Stop it at once! :-)

Seriously, it is important to remember that we don't know how to forgive.
I truly do believe that forgiveness is from God.
There may be things that others have done to us or we have done to others and the evidence is there that our or their behaviours have caused much pain. As humans we don’t know how we can let that go, and it is natural that it doesn't feel right to do so.

But, like yourself, we also know that holding onto the anger is hurting us over and over and that is not helping anyone.

We don’t make our muscles strong.
We exercise them.
So we don't try to forgive.
We practise forgiveness. We exercise our forgiveness muscle.

When there are things our muscles still can't do, do we throw up our hands and say....the exercise is not working, my muscles aren’t strong.
No, we know it must be working because we are doing the exercise.

How to Forgive

Practise the release.
Say a Forgiveness Prayer
Quote forgiveness quotes over your life in the very moments when they seem to make NO DIFFERENCE!!!

Be clear on your motivation – why are you forgiving?.... Because feeling angry and holding on is not working for you.

Do some or all of this and you ARE moving forward on your journey of forgiveness.
You are creating a space within which God can bring you the peace that passes understanding.

Tags: how do i start to forgive, forgiveness, cant forgive, cant live with this anger

Why is this happening again? – Your forgiveness assignments

You say:
“I don't totally forgive... it lays dormant until something sets it off again.”

I know the feeling!

The iceberg model is sometimes referred to in spirituality.
Most of an iceberg is beneath the surface of the water – that is the dangerous part – the part the ship crashes into.

We feel the release of forgiveness, then wonder why at next trigger, we seem just as angry all over again.
However, although things look the same, we have allowed God to melt us a little.
We know we are doing the work of forgiveness. We are asking for God’s help and the answer is always YES.

Have you downloaded your copy of The Release? If not, please follow the link to do so. It gives you the simple and powerful forgiveness exercise that I developed in the years when I was ill without the help to allow me to rest and recover.

Am I totally at peace with that situation yet? No.

Does it feature less and less in my life...Yes.

Have I received gifts from that situation and how I chose to be in it....Boy! yes. Huge gifts of knowing God’s love.

I have asked for healing, and I know that the next forgiveness assignment that comes up for me is part of that healing....even if I forget it in the moment!

My forgiveness assignments are what I am here to do – so are yours.

I love that you refer to it as the journey of forgiveness. It is a journey and it sounds to me that you are moving forward with increasing confidence.
I know that the view will just keep getting better and better.

It sounds like you are being hard on yourself.
Don't forget to use The Release on yourself as well as on the person you are forgiving.
It's OK to be whatever you are on the journey of forgiveness.

Thank you so much for your honest question.

With the Love we are,
Katherine


Tags: how do i start to forgive, forgiveness, cant forgive, can't live with this anger

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